one year

So, I've been in Spokane one year.
It's been an eventful year to say the least. I participated in two weddings, found a boyfriend and felt my spirit renewed by his love and attention. (One of my most telling journal entries reads "Just when I thought life could get no stranger, I met a man in a kilt." It was only the second time I'd met Jon, and I was volunteering at Global Folk Art.)
I met many people this year, mostly Presbyterian, grew to adore the girls next door to Westminster House. I promoted Westminster House at two churches, volunteered at a Fair Trade Sale and a Fair trade store, travelled to North Dakota three times, and introduced Jon to my family in North Dakota.
I learned about liberation theology, and Calvinism and atrocities in Guatemala and Gambella, Ethiopia and Colombia.

It's funny. I'd intended to spend the year holed up in my room, preparing for seminary. I spent some time holed up in my room, but I spent more time out and about with Jon meeting people and doing things. But I didn't move much closer to seminary. Although I did preach two sermons and become a missionary to Guatemala. And could I have moved closer to seminary? Would I get a good recommendation now if I applied? Can I handle the East Coast? Am I called to Princeton as I once thought perhaps? Am I closer than I realize?

And I learned a lot about myself this past year. I've learned that the simple words "You're amazing" can empower and enliven.
I've learned that there are many people who care for me and I'm eternally grateful for that fact.
I've learned that I'm not necessarily comfortable relying on myself and just because I WANT to do something I dont' always find the gumption to reach out and do that something.

I've learned how easy it is to make mistakes, to not listen to the voices I should listen to and to listen to the voices I shouldn't. I've learned that a stubborn spirit will lead you nowhere and compromise is a good thing. I've believed in myself the most I've ever believed in myself this year. And I've believed in myself the least. And I've learned that I am not called to believe in myself, but God. I cannot rely on myself, only God.