Life as a Lackey

I want a "smite" button on my keyboard. No fair.
Those of you who are Far Side fans know that only God gets a "smite" button. Oh well.
Why does Dale want Stratos Gloves? Who is Dale anyway? Does he really exist or did someone make up all these test orders?
Why do I have to take up precious brain space with things like the function of the F4 key?
Will I get in trouble for blogging at work?
I should behave.