...........

I woke up feeling despondant this morning. Guatemala trip is over, have to back to work, can't decide whether or not to move out of the house, not sure if they'll let me stay, can't go back to North Dakota for a long long time. I hung out with Jon and two of his friends who go back to elementary school last night. It was fun, but my heart aches for the friends I left behind. Alycia, Lisa, Katie, Krys, Glen, Catherine, Karisa.....especially those I didn't get to see on my trip to ND. Will I ever see you guys again? The future looks like this fuzzy gray empty space again. Am I really going to follow through with this Americorps thing? I'm not really facilitating this Earned Income Tax coalition thing....just showing up at work, sending a few e-mails and pretending to know what I'm doing. I don't WANT this job and didn't in the first place... and yet I applied for it just to have a job of some sort. I just feel lost and hopeless. And it's my fault. It helps somehow to write this all down.